CANNIBAL CLAUS (2016)

BY BLAINE MCLAREN

Sleaze Box and Gatorblade pictures are back at it again…just in time for the holidays.  I am not sure who said “let’s make Bob Glazier Santa Claus”, but I want to personally thank them.  Cannibal Claus is a Christmas movie, but it is not exactly fit for the whole family.  It has all of the gore and naked breasts you have come to expect, but this time it is set to the jolly tune of Christmas carols.  It may not be the best film from Director Sean Donohue, but it is one of his most enjoyable.

Cannibal Claus starts with a mall Santa (played by Bob Glazier) losing his job to his smug employer.  This sets our central character into a tailspin of debauchery and violence, putting together “a list” of those who have been naughty and nice.  This includes anyone who has ever wronged him and his methods are as brutal as they are funny.

The company of actors that Sean Donohue and Sleaze Box films continually work with really seem to be growing as a whole.  These actors are clearly having a great time and it shows throughout the film’s brisk runtime.  The direction is solid and feels cinematic, but it does lack a little of the polish we saw in Death-Scort Service.  The scenes are a little choppier than his last film, but it’s not distracting and may help with the playful tone.  What works best is how this film interweaves the two storylines, giving an explanation for our Santa’s quick decent into insanity.  The family from the flashback sequences give great performances (They are played by a real family; Alberto, Mady and Lucio Giovannelli) and give the viewer a break from the non-stop gore flinging.

I would be remised if I did not mention the parade of lovely women in this film.  There is a list too long to name, but they all deserve credit for giving fun performances and never wasting a moment of screen time. So if you prefer your Christmas movies a little sleazier, trading cheer and snow for blood and boobs, then give Cannibal Claus a chance!  CANNIBAL CLAUS IS COMING SOON FROM GATORBLADE FILMS AND SLEAZE BOX

STREETS OF VENGEANCE (2016)

BY BLAINE MCLAREN

Holy shit, this movie is full of nudity! I say this up front, because the film has a ton of it.  From beginning to end there is a cavalcade of beautiful, nude women on display.  Paul Ragsdale’s sophomore feature, Streets of Vengeance, is a whirlwind of sex and violence that has a lot of things going on in it.  Some things work and others don’t, but ultimately it is a lot of fun and does not shy away from female empowerment.

This is that age-old tale of an ex adult film star who is being stalked by a murderous cult of misogynistic men.  These “He-man, woman haters” call themselves The Sword and they are dead-set on reigning terror on both feminists and adult film actresses.  After Mila (Delawna McKinney) is attacked, the ladies band together in search of vengeance.

Streets of Vengeance is sexploitation, through and through.  It never takes itself too seriously and it relishes in letting the actors give fun, over-the-top performances.  Most of the actors kill it, but there are a few cameos that interrupt the vibe and (seemingly) stall the film’s progress.  Paul Ragsdale’s direction is spot on and the lighting is stunning.  The issue for me is found in its long runtime.  The film clocks in at almost 2 hours and (I feel) the film would have benefitted from editing down some scenes.  This may not be an issue for some people, but when it comes to exploitation films, I prefer them short and sweet.  This one may not have completely connected with me, but it still has a lot to offer.  After seeing Streets of Vengeance I am curious to see Mr. Ragsdale’s first film (Cinco De Mayo) and any other output, because I really enjoyed his stylistic choices.  STREETS OF VENGEANCE is currently playing in film festivals and please follow the release info at https://www.facebook.com/streetsofvengeance/

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BB (2016)

BY BLAINE MCLAREN

Expectation can be a very tricky thing, especially with movies and the internet.  Rarely can films live up to their own hype, but when I see a film’s name popping up all over…my curiosity gets the best of me.  Over the past month (or so) I have been seeing the name BB pop up on sites that I respect.  I would quickly skim the reviews and could tell that this was a film for me.  BB is a self financed movie from C.J. Wallis that is rough around the edges, but full of interesting choices that make for an excellent first feature.

This film follows a woman named Leah (played by Jennifer Mae) who is starting a job as a camgirl to support herself and her girlfriend.  She spends her time ineffectually flirting with her viewers and reaping the financial benefits of her new career.  She earns enough money to send her partner overseas and finds herself alone, with a very real threat from one of her many online admirers.

BB is a cinematic example of watching an artist find his voice.  The film shifts multiple perspectives and is not afraid to mix things up (stylistically speaking).  This entire movie could have been done much easier (and lazier) as a found footage film, but luckily they choose not to and opted for a more stylish route.  A lot of the film seems very unscripted, but never sloppy.  Scenes can begin to meander, but before they get sloppy, Wallis reels it back in and pushes the story forward.  There are a lot of scenes of Leah dancing, but it is more than just an excuse to show nudity.  The film takes advantage of these titillating scenes by adding a tone of dread, helping build to the film’s intense final twenty minutes.  The only critical thing that I can say is that the sound mix can get a little muddled.  This occurs mostly in its final scenes, when the music and dialogue crosses over.  It can be a little frustrating, but is not too distracting.  It is easy to say that BB is one of my favorite films of the year and hopefully Wallis’ follow up will be just as interesting and exciting.  BB is currently available to purchase at https://now.bt.co/bundles/bb

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SOUVENIRS OF A HITCHHIKER (SHORT FILM)

BY BLAINE MCLAREN

Luke Ramer and (his company)West 2nd Productions have been pouring out a lot of interesting content over the past few years.  They have made 2 short features, a web series and now “Souvenirs of a Hitchhiker”.  This film is a short found footage film that was originally to be included in an anthology.  As these projects tend to do, the anthology fell apart.  Instead of just letting the movie sit, Mr. Ramer decided to let it loose on YouTube for free.  Lucky for us, its a pretty great little film!

The film opens with a young woman who is hitchhiking across the Northeast and taping her adventures.  Soon she is picked up by an odd guy, who is may or may not be a good Samaritan.  Once he convinces her to stay at his home, things take a turn for the worse and no one is who they seem to be.

This is another home run from this gang of no-budget filmmakers and I am happy to see them continuing to try new things.  Most of the acting is fairly good and seems to improve as the movie progresses.  Luke Ramer really shines when he is building suspense and the found footage aesthetic gives him a great opportunity to show off his chops.  I enjoyed that the camerawork (itself) feels more handheld, then completely found footage.  It reminds you that this is a movie and does not insult your intelligence or pretend that it is real.  I cannot recommend this film enough and I think that it is only a matter of time before Luke Ramer becomes a household name among horror fans.  Souvenirs of a Hitchhiker can be watched below for free.  Please support his other films and projects at https://www.facebook.com/west2ndproductionsPA/

THE ALCHEMIST COOKBOOK (2016)

BY BLAINE MCLAREN

Joel Potrykus has been an interesting director over these past few years.  Both Ape and Buzzard were amazing exercises in nihilism, adding a new layer to the well worn territory of “slacker” films.  The Alchemist Cookbook is no exception and manages to do more with even less.  All of Porykus’ films have been small, but this flick boasts a cast of two, with a couple adorable cameos from some animals who play major parts in the film.  Most of what is on screen would be pretty boring if it was in the hands of a less skilled artist, but the casting and perspective makes for a fantastic depiction of the banality of solitude.

The story is very simple. A guy in his twenties named Sean (Ty Hickson) has moved to the woods to live the life of an alchemist.  He is trying to shift base metals to gold and is not afraid to turn to darker forces to achieve his goal.  His only companions are his cat and his friend Cortez (Amari Cheatom), who brings him supplies.  Once he makes a wager, these dark forces come to collect and they want what he has promised.

The description sounds more action packed than what the film actually offers.  Most of the “demonic” is off screen and portrayed brilliantly with top-shelf sound design.  Deep bellows rattle from the woods and the actors really sell what may or may not be out there.  The camera feels very natural and makes monotonous tasks seem reviting and even watching our protagonist eat a bag of doritos (in real time) feel cinematic.  Its very hard to describe this director’s work, but his style will either intrigue you or bore you to death.  I fall in the first category and cannot wait for more work from this truly unique voice in the world of independent cinema.  THE ALCHEMIST COOKBOOK is currently available on VOD.

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THE GREASY STRANGLER (2016)

BY BLAINE MCLAREN

There are very few films as aptly titled as The Greasy Strangler.  This films oozes with unpleasant humor, bizarre vignettes and drawn out scenes emphasizing an older man’s penis.    It takes some time to adjust to the drawn out scenes and SOV acting choices, but once it clicked with me it went from revolting to oddly endearing.   I use the word endearing because beyond all of the disgust, it is the story about two outsiders who need each other more than either will ever admit.  All of this sounds pretty gross (and it is!), but it helps to create an unforgettable comedy that could be one of my favorite films of the year.

The story revolves around Big Ronnie (Michael St. Michaels) and Big Brayden (Sky Elobar) who are a father/son duo.  They lead a co dependent life where Ronnie lets Brayden live with him for free if he cooks only extra greasy meals for him.  They spend their time discussing grease and fat, only taking breaks to fart and call one another “Bullshit Artists” (a phrase used at least 50 times in the film).  Their dynamic seems to be working until Brayden meets a women named Janet (Elizabeth De Razzo).  This new relationship throws a wrench in their day to day life and could be causing more “greasy” stranglings in the neighborhood and the grossest love triangle in the history of film, maybe the world.

What’s most impressive about The Greasy Strangler is how well the film is actually made.  Scenes are shot well and the absurd characters make perfect sense within this gonzo universe created by Director Jim Hosking.  The casting is insane and they all give fantastic performances, especially Brayden.  He serves as the heart of this vile story, taking his abuse on the chin.  Every time Ronnie mentions him “crapping on the bed”, he shrugs it off and continues to care for his father.  The gore only adds to the surreal comedy.  All of the violence is played for laughs and never comes across mean-spirited.  Faces implode with punches and eyes pop out of socket when people are chocked, giving it a cartoon-like quality to it all.  I’m not really sure who this film is made for, but I am just happy it was made.  Hats off to Spectrevision and hope they continue to take chances on films like this.  The Greasy Strangler is currently available on VOD.

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THE BINDING (2015)

BY BLAINE MCLARENHorror has been skirting around religion (pretty heavily) over the past 10 or 15 years.  Most get pretty bogged down in the world of demons and devils and I think its time to admit that most viewers are burned out on these low concept The Exorcist rip-offs  This subgenre is well-worn territory, exhausted even.  The Binding is a religious horror film, but is more accurately a biblical thriller of sorts.  What I mean by this, is that it focuses on a particularly difficult story from the Old Testament and contextualizes itself in modern days.  (Believe it or not) Adapting a story about faith and child sacrifice does not make for light watching on a Friday night, but does serve as a unique concept for a horror film.

The Binding begins with  David and Sarah (Max Adler and Amy Gumenick), a young couple who has just had a baby and they are celebrating the child’s baptism.  When David (a minister and recovering alcoholic) begins having strange visions he thinks is from God, Sarah is forced to decide how to protect both herself and their daughter.

If you are not familiar with the story from the Bible, it is referred to as The Binding of Isaac.  This is the story of how God commanded Abraham to sacrifice his son, then allowed an Angel to intervene and tell Abraham that it was just a test of faith.  It goes without saying that this is heavy stuff and the film does a great job of exploring these themes and the modern theology applied to this story.  It balances faith in a way that plays heavily towards suspense, but never strays from its ultimate question; How far are you willing to go to prove your faith?  Unfortunately that’s the only thing that really works.  The movie is slow paced and relies heavily on dialogue, which is the film’s weakest link.  A lot of the lines are very unnatural and feel incredibly forced, coming across unnatural and distracting.  The direction is very capable and I do hope to see more from Gus Krieger, but this film is far too long and jilted throughout the middle of the film.  What I can say is that the ending is very effective and powerful, leaving the viewer with a good taste in their mouth.  This does not excuse the script, but does show potential for future projects from the crew.  The Binding is currently available on DVD and VOD.

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THE NEON DEAD (2015)

BY BLAINE MCLAREN

A few years back I saw a trailer for a creative little feature call “Invasion of the Undead” and I was struck by its throwback style and low budget charm.  The trailer was a barrage of neon colors and 8 bit nostalgia that instantly got me pumped for its release. Unfortunately I missed its Atlanta premiere, but I continued to keep up with its progress, saw it on Vimeo and I was surprised when news of the film went silent.  Cut to a year later and the Monsterbuster Entertainment Facebook page finally announced a release date and a new (and better, if you ask me) title, The Neon Dead!  This prompted me to dig up an old DVD copy and revisit this fantastic indie gem.

The story is about a young, unemployed woman named Allison (Marie Baker) who inherits a haunted property from her grandmother.  Once she stumbles across one of the Undead, she (with help from a girl scout) calls on a duo of slacker type paranormal investigators (played by Greg Garrison and Dylan Schettina).  Once the hapless duo arrive, they encounter something much older and more dangerous than either of them could ever imagine.

I’ve watched this film multiple times now and I am repeatedly impressed by the quality and care put into The Neon Dead.  The lighting and sets are spectacular, giving the film a dreamy vibe that is infinitely watchable.  The special effects are over the top and unique, offering a new mythology and cast of villains brought to life on a minimum budget.  The decision to swap gore for a fluorescent lightshow of violence is a choice that a much lesser director would not have made.  The only place where The Neon Dead lacks is the dialogue early in the film.  Some of the writing can feel a little stiff, but the actors are likeable enough to forgive these awkward moments.  So if you are worn out on gore heavy zombie flick and found footage retreads, I suggest checking out this charming low budget joy ride.  The Neon Dead is currently available on DVD and VOD.

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LIGHTS OUT (2016)

BY BLAINE MCLARENIt seems that every year we have a horror film that endures months and months of hype.  The hype is usually created by horror sites who tout “scariest movie of the year” and “will change the face of horror…forever”.  I would like to say that I am above this kind of hyperbole, but I am just as bad as the next guy.  These films are usually above average and seen in that perfect environment of a film fest, which instantly boosts its rating by at least a star or two.  By the time it makes its way to us, it is hard to not be excited and (even the most self controlled) expect more than your average studio horror film.  This was definitely the case with Lights Out and after watching it, giving it some time to process, I am still on the fence.  It offers some great moments of tension, but very little else.  Maybe I am just burned out on this kind of film, but I just expected a lot more than a one-dimensional jump scare flick.

The film begins with an introduction to the family in peril.  There is the son (Martin, played by Gabriel Bateman) and his mother (Sophie, played by a frazzled-as-hell Maria Bello) who are already squaring off with the supernatural, while mourning the loss of their father/husband.  After we meet them, we meet the Daughter (Rebecca, played by Teresa Palmer) who is portayed as troubled based on her heavy metal posters and rebel attitude.  She is fighting with her saint of a boyfriend and worried about her family.  After the son is caught sleeping in class, we find out that this supernatural force lives in the dark and can kill you.  This is where our gang starts their cliché adventure and try to survive while fighting this “dark” force in their home.

Supernatural horror has been quickly turning into a parody of itself.  This film is no exception, but when they do amp up the tension it works.  The only problem is that there are long, drawn out scenes that rely on the characters and they are hollow, boring caricatures.  Horror movies should be scary (which this film can be, at times), but doesn’t the audience deserve a little more substance?  Every interaction only exists to set up the next big jump scare, but after a while you stop caring.  The filmmaking is competent, but there is very little risked here (as well).  I believe that if this film was made five years ago I would be more forgiving, but we have seen this all before and if you wait another two weeks you will see (at least something very similar) it again.  LIGHTS OUT is currently in theaters everywhere. 

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CHAOS A.D. (2016)

BY BLAINE McLARENThe good folks at Sleaze Box have been working overtime to bring us some of the best no-budget exploitation films since bursting on to the scene with Amerikan Holokaust a few years back.  As rough-around-the-edges as that first movie was, there was something unique and fantastically DIY about their vision.  Chris Woods and company have been putting out a lot of titles and each release has shown a progression in craft, but (thank God) not lost that charm and grittiness that I have come to love.  Their name says it all. These are sleazy, fun exploitation films that make Florida seem even more dangerous than any twenty-four hour news cycle could ever imagine.  They wear their influences on their sleeves, but they are not pulling from your typical pool of influential movie directors. Directors like Bruno Mattei and Todd Sheets have made major impressions on these guys and it shows up in a glorious way.  Their most recent effort, Chaos A.D., is no exception.  We are treated again to an ultra-violent world of naked ladies, over the top gore and way too much of actor Bob Glazier’s anatomy.

 

The story takes place on Halloween night and we are introduced to a housewife, a brother and sister and a hooker loving politician.  Each of our central characters are kidnapped by a gang of viciously perverse weirdos that are ready to celebrate the night with torture and murder.  Once our protagonists are forced into their world, its a non-stop game of blood thirsty cat and mouse.

Having seen all of Sleaze Box’s releases this film is a big leap in production and sets.  Most of their films have been pretty minimalists, but they seem to go out of their way to mix things up this time around.  Also, Chris Woods spends more time developing characters and establishing who these folks are.  Ashley Lynn Caputo really shines as a housewife with a secret and I cannot believe how well she plays her role.  Both her and Bob Glazier steal every scene they are in, not to mention giving brave (nudity filled) performances.  Overall, the acting is pretty great.  Most of these actors have worked with Sleaze Box before and seem to have a level of comfort that is rarely seen in no-budget filmmaking.  My only complaint is very minor.  The runtime is a little longer than expected, but luckily it doesn’t feel too padded.  I just prefer these types of movies to be shorter and more briskly paced.  Besides running a little long, this is another great “gore and gals” roughie that lives up to its provocative title.  This may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but for the few who dig this kind of unapologetically filthy filmakking will love the shit out of Chaos A.D.  The film has not been released yet, but is currenly available to pre-order at https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/chaos-a-d#/

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