Knock Knock (2015)

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to give a 15 year old boy 6 million dollars and force them to remake a thriller from the 1970s?  If so, you should be really excited to find out that you will no longer have to imagine what the outcome would be.  This 100 minute trainwreck is Eli Roth’s Knock Knock and it is bad in (almost) every way.  

I do want to say this before continuing my rant; I like Eli Roth.  He has made some good films and I do think that he is a genuine fan and good for modern horror.  That said, this shitty flick just shouldn’t exist.  It is very hard to imagine anyone reading this script and saying “this needs to be made and people will dig it”.  Okay, I should probably tell you what this movie is about.

For some reason, Keanu Reeves is a family man and has to work while his wife and kids are on vacation.  The first night that he is home alone, two young vixens arrive at his doorstep with some bullshit reason to use his phone.  Not to anyone’s surprise, he is seduced and awakes to the girls still in his home.  They terrorize him and blah, blah, blah…

I apologize for the “blah, blah, blah”, but come on Eli Roth.  This is the best you could do?  Why did you think that Keanu Reeves could carry this movie or deliver those terrible lines?  Every line that is said is cringe worthy and sounds nothing like how anyone actually speaks.  Listening to the antagonists call everything “retarded” and “gay” was lazy and seemed to serve no purpose.  The one good thing about this film is that it is shot well.  Roth still knows how to shot a film well and give a slick presentation, too bad that is the only thing of value in this film.  Knock Knock is currently available on DVD and VOD.

1/5 STARS

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